My Beautiful Angel..♥

This day 2 years ago , the world lost a beautiful woman and heaven gained way more than they know! That day only feels like yesterday and I can't believe two years have passed just like that. I will never, as long as I live, ever forget that day or that whole period of time. My whole world came crashing down I'll never forget any part of it. The moment I was told you were gone Nana was the worst moment of my life. I never felt so heartbroken or helpless in all my life and I wouldn't wish that feeling on anybody. It's only when I look back on it now I really have no idea how we all got through it.. but we did & I know you were there with us Nana helping us through everything. To have someone you're so close to just suddenly taken away from you just like the blink of an eye, is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. It's so hard to come to terms with and I don't think I'll ever truly be able to get my head around it fully. The one thing that really hit me hard and got to me a lot throughout it all was, I couldn't understand how people where going about their normal life and we were going through this crisis. I specifically remember the day we got to see you and I came out of the funeral home and I was waiting to cross the road and a truck went by and some guy looked at me and in my head I was like he has absolutely no idea what I'm going through right now. It was that moment I truly realized and reality really hit me that life goes on.. It was a harsh reality but it really is so true.

Things like this happen every single day of the week but it's only when it happens to you that you really understand and became more aware of it.  This day last year I planned on writing something like this but found it being too hard and I just couldn't do it, I had so much to say but couldn't write it out. This year, I feel I can and need to even more. In saying that though, writing now I feel I've so much I want to say and don't know how to say it! I pray to my Nana every single night and I just hope she can hear me! I light candles for her all the time right beside my bed in a 'Betty' candle holder I bought in Kerry. Every day of my life I think about you Nana and that's going to continue for as long as I live I can promise you that!! I'll keep repeating myself but I honestly can't believe it's been two years... Two years since I've seen you! How? Can't get my head around it only feels like yesterday you were here with us and I would honestly do anything in this world to have you back just to even seen you one more time, I'd give anything.. There's so many things I wish could say to you, if only I could. I wish heaven had a phone just so I could here your voice and talk to you even for a minute..

Nana, you were the kindest most loving person I know. You always thought of people, you prayed for everyone & you really were just an amazing person with the biggest heart. You went through so much yet never felt sorry for yourself and just got on with things, it was incredible to see. you're such a strong woman! I look up to you so much. I know you're up there looking down on us all smiling and probably thinking we're all a bunch of eejits haha. I have so so many memories that I cherish with you and they'll stay with me forever. As long as we can all talk about you, think about you, dedicate something to you, share things about you, all of that.. Once we can do that then you're legacy will live on forever Nana and I promise you I will always make sure that you are remembered. I have done and always will keep your legacy alive in the world as long as I can doing whatever it is I do to represent you in any way. As long as we all live and breathe, so will you because you are apart of us. Sure without you Nana I wouldn't be here so as long as I am here, part of you will always be here too! I remember every detail of you. I'll never forget the day I seen you for the last time, it was the toughest moment in my life and I can still remember it clear as day as if I was there now..

You looked absolutely beautiful and so so peaceful. It was such a sad time and there's tears rolling down my face as I write this but I was just so glad that you weren't in any pain. It was just your time and you went like anyone could only wish for.. Asleep in bed. I stood there looking at you waiting for you to just open your eyes but I knew it wouldn't happen and it was just so sad. If there's one thing I learned also, it's how strong my Mam is. She really is the strongest person I know & I'm so proud of her for everything she's been through. She's my rock and I genuinely would be lost without her I don't know what I'd do. I love you Mam you've no idea how much you mean to me! Along with that is my Auntie Liz, she's not only my Godmother but like a second Mam to me and I love her dearly. She too is one of the strongest people I know both herself and my Mam are a credit to my Nana in a million ways and I know my Nana would be so proud of them along with us all! We all miss you and today like any other anniversary, birthday or special day of yours is hard but we know you're safe up there. You're with Grandad, your own Mam, and any other person you've missed yourself and that's a great thing to know.. You're not alone.

Even when you were here you were never far from my mind no matter where I was. With you, I left a letter and the first broach I ever bought you and I pinned it on to you myself right where your heart is. That broach was of two hearts which I considered to be mine and yours. From what had happened, it finalized what I wanted as my first tattoo. I got the outline of that broach tattoo'd on my right wrist. Aswell, the second heart is shaped like a 'B' and that stands for your name 'Betty'. That tattoo is the most important part of me and it means more to me than anything else. People always ask me about it and I have no problem sharing the meaning behind it. My tattoo is for you Nana, it's meant for you. it's designed for you and it represents you and for me it's to show that no matter where I am in this world, who I'm with, you will always be with me! A lot has changed for me over the last two years in every aspect of my life. Between losing you, my mentality, losing friends, making changes, moving to Kerry on my own, making new friends, new relationship, coming home, new job, then other stuff you already know that's going on now. A lot has happened and it's been hard but I know I'm strong enough to go through these things. I hope you've been with me through it all Nana and I hope you're proud of the things I've done and am doing now. It's funny how day by day nothing seems to change, but when you look back everything is different.

 
I always in some way  have my way of writing to you whether it be on your birthday or Christmas or something like that. You may not be with us but you're just as important as you ever were and I'll always make sure to let that be known. Today is your day Nana, the sun is shining and it's shining for you! I hope you're up there in the clouds smiling and laughing you you always did because you face would brighten up anyone's day. I wish you could be with us but I know you are in some way. 

Today is and will be a sad day but we will all celebrate your life like we have been doing all along and will do our best to make you proud. We all love and miss you terribly each and every day and I know you know that. I love you more than anything in this world Nana and I would do anything to have you back but I know you're in a better place now and I just hope it's everything you believed in and wished for. Heaven really did gain an beautiful angel the day you left us and everybody knows that. Everyone misses you and two years have gone by too fast. Look after yourself up there Nana as I say to you every night and I promise I'll always do my best to make you proud with everything I do in my life. Watch over us all and keep us safe. We always think about you. I love you so so much Nana Betty. Forever and always in my heart wherever I am and wherever I go. Night night Nana, sleep tight. Sweetdreams forever. I'll love & miss you always. Love your granddaughter Laura. I Love You So Much. -BettyCarolan,5.1O.11 ♥ I'll never forget you. Xoxoxoxoxo