my angel.

Last night, a true angel was taken away from me & my family & was sent to heaven. This is my Nana Betty & me on the day of my debs not so long ago... & today, was no doubt the worst day of my entire life! Today, I found out that my beautiful Nana had past away. I have never.. ever..EVER.. felt so sad & helpless in all my life. I couldn't, cannot & don't think I'll ever get over it. I honestly can't believe it. I was soo close to my Nana & to have her just taken away from me is the most horrible feeling in the world. I can only imagine how my Mam & everyone else feels. I know myself that I genuinely do not know what I would do without my Mam, I can't even imagine it so I feel so sad for mine as she has just lost her own. I just can't help but cry while I'm writing this because it's just so sad. :{ Like myself & my Mam are bestfriends, she was the exact same with my Nana too. So I just feel horrible because I can only imagine how she feels inside :{ I loved my Nana with all my heart & she knows that herself. I find it so hard to get my head around the fact that I now won't ever be able to give her a hug & kiss again.... or see her again. It's so horrible! :{ She is & was one of the nicest & kindest people I have ever met. She thought of everyone before herself & always wanted to make sure everyone was okay. My Nana was a firm believer in God & all that jazz & I know she'd probably kill me for going "God this & God that" but in saying that...... Nana, you believe in God, but I believe in YOU. You'll be up there hi-five'n with God now, but when it comes down to it from now on.. You're the only one I'll be praying to.You're the one I believe in. I love you. Down in my Nana's today with everyone, & in my mind I was literally just waiting for you Nana to pop into the kitchen going "ahh what's goin' on!" or your famous words... "ahh feck off! :}".

Going into the back room and all thinking you'd be in there watchin The Weakest Link or Eggheads like you normally do & like I always do, just sit down beside ya giving you a hug & cuddling in beside ya watching the tele with you. Or, waiting for you to call me in like ya only start doing since ya got that funky little hat.. & me going into ya going "yeah? :}" & you'd be smiling & lit up like I don't know what going " Do ya like my hat? :D " or " Loooook! :D " being all delighted with yourself haha :} . I'd think it was the cutest thing everrrrr! :} I sat down with your hat on my lap today Nana just thinking of you, staring at nothing not knowing what to feel other than feeling empty. You lit up a room when you smiled. Not having you there today was awful. It was very strange for us all not to have you around. It was so weird. I was thinking of you every second or every minute. You were loved by everyone & were always so warm & welcoming. What are we going to do without ya Nana?.... Nobody can believe it. It's the biggest shock in the world & nobody expected it this soon. God obviously missed you & wanted you up living the life with him I guess. The cheeky git, she's ours! What ya doin' taken her away for?, sheesh! But, atleast now you're re-united & safe & sound up with Grandad John. I'd say he's frickin delighted to have his beautiful wife back at last. Result for Grandad! :}

I know that you yourself will be so happy because we all knew how much you love & missed him. I just wish I got the chance to meet my Grandad John because I've heard nothing but great words about him & his kindness off everyone including yourself over the years. Give him a kiss from me Nana & let him know I love him too :} Please God you're in a great place now & never have to worry about anything again. Nothing or nobody can ever or will ever replace you & I hope you know that. I love how I never used to be able to go away on holiday without making it my business to always find and buy you a gorgeous broach because I knew you loved them. Without fail, your broach was the only present I couldn't leave without getting & I'd always go on a proper broach hunt looking for the perfect one like the big spa I am. But, I knew you loved them, I knew they made you happy so how could I not.. you know? :} Coming home, & heading down to your's when I'd be home & giving you your present would be the best feeling in the world because I knew you appreciated it so much & it made you so happy & smiley :} Best money I've ever spent! One film that without a doubt will always remind me of you is "Calamity Jane". I remember years ago me & you sat and watched that film one night, you telling me all about it & getting all excited before we turned it on. Then singing along to all the songs being the big fan that you were haha :} I loved it & surprisingly ended up really enjoying the film which seemed to be an oldey but goody xD Thank you for showing me that! :}

You were such a caring person & always remembered everything, even the smallest things. That's just one of the many things I loved about you. I wish this never happened & never had to happen. You are one of a kind Nana! Now you won't miss a thing, you can watch over all of us always no matter what, when & where and be a little spy over all our lives to keep us all in order, haha :} You will be the star in the sky that I look up to from now on & I'll know you'll always be looking down on me & in a way that's an amazing & great feeling to simply just know that. I'll always look up to you Nana. I'll pray & talk to you always. I know I'll never be lonely anymore because I'll have you by my side. It's the same the other way around... If you ever need me, just give me a sign.. no matter what it'll be just make sure I'll be able to cop on to it, you know me! hahaha xD but I'll always be here for you too. I am so so grateful to have had someone like you in my life. You're amazing! Thank you SO much for every single little thing you have ever done for me in my entire life. I am so proud to be able to call you MY Nana. Knowing you, you're up in heaven worrying about your hair & how it's not done & how you weren't prepared for this haha :}

Please take care of us all Nana, I know you will anyways that goes without saying. Mind us & keep us safe like you are :} You are an incredible person & someoone I highly respect & always have done. I hope you're proud of me & can watch down on my now in the future throughtout my life & whip me into shape if I ever do anything wrong & help me through everything that comes my way.I'll always try to make you proud & hopefully make you smile up in the clouds :} Please mind everyone up above also & keep them close, you're not alone. :} We will all be down here looking up to you from this day forward Nana doing you proud. I hope you're not too busy socialising & yapping away to everyone high in the sky, haha :} I will never forget you & all of our memories as long as I live & I'm sure that goes without saying for everyone else too. You're an amazing person to know & have bin around. Thank you for being my Nana. I couldn't have asked for anyone better! :} I genuinely cannot believe you're gone & that I'm never gonna be able to say to my Mam " Here, can we head down to Nana's for a while I haven't seen her ina week!!!! " anymore....... :{:{

Why did you have to go? :{:{ It's not fair, life's a bitch :{ None of us would have ever have seen this coming so soon. It's the biggest shock of my life & I hate it! :{ I wish you were here. I wish you never had to go. :{ But... I guess everyone has their time & God became selfish & wanted you back.. not that i blame him. I'd want you back too.... like I do :{ I can't stop thinking about you, just want to see you now :{ I'm literally gonna write this whole thing out again on paper especially for you Nana & I'll put it right in beside you while you sleep tight forever. It's for you & you only so keep it close because I mean ever single word of it. You are the greatest Nana in the world & God couldn't have chose anyone better! I love you sooo soo much Nana, more than you will ever know. I can't get my head around this. It's horrible. I would literally give up everything & anything to have you back. :{..... Please come back? :{ , Just like you are doing in these final pictures Nana, always keep your arms around me.. now & forever. I'll keep you with me close no matter what & you'll always be in my heart & on my mind. Mind yourself up there & take care. This has bin the saddest time of my life & I hate every minute of it! & I know I'm not the only one. You are one woman who is loved by so many. We all love you so much Nana. Thank you for always being you & never changing who you were. You've gone through so much throughout your life & are by far one of the strongest people I know. Your a fighter & I admire you more than you know for that! Help us get through this time & cope Nana. There is no one in the world like you. I will NEVER forget you Nana.

I hope you like this because I wrote it for you. & I know you're probably right beside me watching me going " Laura, what are ya putting that in for, ahh for God's sake! xD " & I hope you are, hehe :} Thank you for being born then having my mam which led to having me which then entered me into the family therefore being able to have you in my life!!! :} Now look, ya have me gettin' all cheesey, eeeeew! Haha xD But, no I really mean it. ThankYou.! I love you with all my heart Nana. Forever & Always. May you rest in peace & have a great time up above with Grandad & everyone else from now on. I hope it's everything you ever dreamed of. I know it will be. You were always a believer. Night night Nana, sleep tight. Sweetdreams forever. I'll love & miss you always. Love your granddaughter Laura. I Love You So Much. -BettyCarolan,5.1O.11 ♥ <333